Having established that forgiveness is an intrinsic part of Christian love, I’d like to look at some of the issues.
The first is the ability to forgive yourself. Even though you might be convinced God has absolved you, it’s impossible to move on unless you’re also then able to forgive yourself.
The theology underlying the sacrament of confession recognizes this. It maintains confession involves examining your past thoughts and actions, feeling contrition or sorrow at those which offended God and other people, resolving to avoid these in the future, confessing them openly, receiving absolution from God, and then performing some form of penance or satisfaction.
Critics often laugh at the last, claiming it believes doing something like saying five Hail Marys would satisfy God. However, they miss the point. Satisfaction is aimed at helping the confessor convince himself that he has truly been forgiven.
In my experience as a parish pastor, this has been critical. Problems developed because parishioners couldn’t allow themselves to be forgiven.
I heard confession and assured the confessor that God forgave them, but something didn’t work. I first thought it was because they were not really sorry or never intended to refrain from what they were doing. But after discussing this with a Roman Catholic family counselor, I decided it was often because I was not giving them enough opportunity to forgive themselves. Sometimes that involved talking longer or agreeing on some action.
The Christian mission is all about rescuing humanity from self-destruction. The goal is to bring about the change necessary for humans to live in peace with one another. Forgiveness is essential to prevent our getting stuck in the past. If we are obsessed with past mistakes, feeling so terribly guilty we cannot let go, forgiveness is not complete; change does not take place.
Not being able to forgive ourselves also means the Golden Rule doesn’t function. It depends on loving yourself properly which s not happening if we cannot accept forgiveness.
