Lesson 1: Rules of Civility

I became fascinated with rules of civility when reading Amor Towles’ book of the same name. One of the main characters tries to make it in Manhattan by using George Washington‘s “Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation.”

Apparently, our first president wrote this down when he was a teenager, perhaps simply as an exercise in penmanship. Many think it signifies the standards he maintained throughout his life, as he epitomized the respect for others emphasized in the rules.

My first reaction was a smile, but it was quickly followed by recognition that we have lost much of this civility in our present society. Donald Trump violates these rules almost every time he speaks. Many others see such concerns as a form of political correctness that oppresses their individuality.

When I delved more into the background, I found the 110 rules were originally published by French Jesuits in 1590. That led me to ask why monks felt it was their responsibility to promote such rules. Is there some tie between civility and religion?

Surely, the Benedictine Rule, the foundation of the monastic order, has a lot to say about community etiquette. It provides instructions for welcoming guests, arriving on time for meals, and considering the views of all members.

It makes sense that the Jesuits would transform these rules for the secular society they served. Their missionary work utilized spiritual exercises to foster the formation of good habits. They obviously thought being civil involved a civilized community rather than a polite society. Living properly in relationship with other people was regarded as a religious as well as a social duty. Christian care began with respect for all people in every situation.

Sadly, the radical individualism of our time promotes getting what we each want. “Me first” and “America First” value the skills and power to make deals that benefit oneself. Showing courtesy and respect is no longer valued when care for others is lost.

As we all know, this has created deep divisions and terrible conflicts, causing all sorts of pain. Restoring a unity that works toward a common good surely begins with being civil with all people. I want to examine what that means in the coming weeks, using Washington’s Rules as a guide.

Tags: Amor Towles’ Rules of Civility, Civility and Christianity, Courtesy and Respect, Jesuits and Rules of Civility, Radical Individualism and Civility, The Present Need for Civility, Washington’s Rules of Civility